Unseen Trek: 'Untitled' by Robert Sheckley

Still from 'The Man Trap' (1966)

Story Outline by Robert Sheckley (undated)
Review and analysis by David Eversole
Originally posted at Orion Press

NOTE: As this outline contains no character names (the ship isn't even referred to by name), and is at odds with most of the technology we saw on Star Trek (the ship lands and blasts off, etc.), it is obvious that it was written before the show aired, perhaps before 'The Cage' or 'Where No Man Has Gone Before' were filmed. Sheckley, it seems, was working with very very little knowledge of the Trek universe. I will review his outline, using his terms and his story breaks.

Referring to the first officer as "the Martian" indicates that it may have been written as early as 1964.

PART ONE

The captain and first mate ("the martian") are exploring a barren planet, hitherto unknown. We see them from an "alien viewpoint" -- but we never see what the observer looks like. The captain thinks he saw something move but when they investigate, its just a big boulder, nothing more.

All crewmembers return to the ship, and the "viewpoint" follows. The martian becomes suspicious -- he can't put his finger on it, but he senses something is wrong. At his request, all crewmembers are decontaminated at the entry port. They then go to their stations, and the ship blasts off.

In the now empty entry port, a piece of the decontamination equipment -- a large tank with a nozzle -- begins to move as if alive. It turns toward us, rolls forward.

PART TWO

The martian remains uneasy, but everyone dismisses his worries, tells him he is just trying to show off his special senses. All go about their jobs. A crewmember enters with a report. The captain asks his name. "Seaman Dougherty," the fellow says and quickly leaves. A crewmember remarks that it really is one huge ship they're on.

Why do you say that, someone else asks.

I thought I knew everyone onboard, but I can't remember ever seeing Seaman Dougherty before.

No one recalls Seaman Dougherty!

A check is made of the ship's rolls. There is no Seaman Dougherty listed. And since they have been gone from Terra for three years "real time," with no crew additions, he must have come onboard from the planet they just surveyed.

A search is initiated to find him. TV scanners are turned on ship-wide, every nook and cranny is searched. No sign of the erstwhile Dougherty.

The captain confers with the ship's alien anthropologist, who informs him that this might be a being who is capable of assuming any form, or perhaps a being who uses hypnosis to make others see it as whatever it wishes. The anthropologist doesn't want to prejudge the being -- its intentions may be peaceful and friendly, or...

The captain isn't taking any chances. He has every single crewmember checked again. All are accounted for. Suddenly the captain asks if anyone checked the cook. 

Yes, one crewman says, I checked him. He's in the galley.

No, he's not, says another. I checked him, he is in the provisions locker.

The captain checks the TV scanners. Sure enough the cook is in both places at once. One of them must be the intruder!

The captain orders both cooks captured, but not to shoot either unless in danger. The anthropologist orders the captain to rescind this order. We must not capture it, he says. Don't you see, it has already captured us.

Both cooks are captured. The captain shows up in person to countermand his previous order, but in a moment's inattention, the alien turns into a duplicate of the captain and escapes.

Conflict grows between the captain and the anthropologist. The captain commands all ship's functions and business. But the anthropologist commands all areas having to do with alien life encountered. The ship's very mission was established to fulfill anthropological research. The anthropologist feels that since they are facing a superior lifeform, they must follow its orders, do as it wishes. The captain disagrees. The conflict between them grows.

The captain is prepared to issue a ship-wide order. He reaches to punch a button on a switchboard. The switchboard sprouts arms, pushes him away, then bolts from the room.

Now the anthropologist, afraid of the abilities of the creature, advocates full out resistance, but the captain decides not to do so. He has been pondering the nature of this beast, wondering why it is doing what it is doing. He outlines a plan.

A room is set aide. In it is a table, covered with food and water and a small heater. After a moment, the anthropologist enters, warily sits down, begins to eat, drink and warm his hands at the heater.

In the control room, the captain, the martian, and the anthropologist stare at a TV screen. On it they see the faux anthropologist eat the food.

The captain has realized that the creature never once made an offensive move against them even though it had several opportunities. Not the behavior of a superior entity. Furthermore, the creature could only mimic other forms, could only say a few words. It never initiated conversation or set any plan in motion. Again, not the behavior of a superior entity. Furthermore, it went to the one place on the ship that was very warm and filled with food -- the galley.

This is not a superior being, the captain tells the anthropologist, this is a simple animal.

But, the anthropologist says, it has such superior abilities. Kirk notes that humans will never have anything approaching the built-in radar an Earth bat has, but we are superior and the bat is just an animal. Highway engineers have never surpassed the road-building abilities of ants. Dolphins have senses beyond what humans have, but they are all just animals.

The scientist admits his error, and they go down to meet the creature. Kirk speaks softly to it, urges it to relax and return to its natural form. It does so, and looks like a cross between a bear and a dog. It lumbers forward, towers over the captain... then bends and begins to lick his hand.

And there the outline ends, save that Sheckley appends this note to it:

Explanation for the alien's previous actions: The world they explored is one that has suffered a recent cataclysm. A solar body passed near causing floods, earthquakes, etc. Destroying the possibility of life, even altering the seasons, turning a normally temperate zone into a frigid horror. The creature came aboard to save its life.

FINAL THOUGHTS

First, get rid of the anthropologist. Two good reasons. One, a-n-t-h-r-o-p-o-l-o-g-i-s-t is hard to type, my fingers get crossed up. Two, Spock and McCoy could better fill his role. Spock, the coldly logical counterpoint to Kirk; McCoy, the impassioned voice.

This is a first-timer's stab at TV outlining. Sheckley's two parts come across, to me, as a Teaser and one forty-five minute act. But that's easy enough to fix. I suspect that this story may have been dropped because of George Clayton's Johnson's 'The Man Trap,' which covers all its bases in a far superior story.

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Images courtesy of Trek Core.

Review originally posted at Orion Press.

Read about Robert Sheckley's unproduced outline 'Sister in Space' here and here.

Unseen Trek, Supplemental: 'Sister in Space'

Still from 'The Doomsday Machine' (1967)

Last month I announced an ongoing partnership with Orion Press to help complete that site's "Unseen Elements of the Original Series" page.  I am pleased to announce that the earliest fruits of that collaboration can now be found on this blog as well as on the Orion Press site, including Dave Eversole's reviews of Robert Sheckley's 'Sister in Space' and Ben Masselink's 'The Surrender of Planet X,' neither of which was produced.

In conjunction with these reviews, I will occasionally post "supplemental" content such as this, which will provide some behind-the-scenes context explaining why certain stories ultimately went unproduced.

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Robert Sheckley's 'Sister in Space' (not 'Sisters in Space,' as it is repeatedly identified in Marc Cushman's These Are The Voyages) was the writer's second submission for Star Trek. His first, 'Rites of Fertility,' was delivered on May 6, 1966, but cut off at the story stage due to its estimated cost. Nonetheless, Roddenberry liked Sheckley enough that he bought another story from the writer less than a month later. Sheckley delivered his story outline on June 12, 1966, and attached the following for Roddenberry:

Here is the outline of “SISTER IN SPACE,” the working title I've given to the derelict-in-space story we discussed last week. I think that the character of Lieutenant Poole is an interesting one, and capable of generating a good deal of excitement and conflict. Do let me know what you think.

Three days after the submission was received, on June 15, 1966, John D.F. Black sent a memo to Gene Roddenberry weighing the pros and cons of going forward with the story.

Like many early submissions (including 'Rites of Fertility') Black felt the script was "too expensive," in addition to being "[out of] sync with our mechanical concepts." It was also too short by half, without a role for Spock (Black suggested he take Scotty's role), and made the mistake of giving the climactic action to the guest star rather than Captain Kirk. In Black's view, this was "integral to human drama but un-Star Trek."

On the other hand, "it was a monster tale," which meant that it would please NBC. It was also set aboard ship, which meant the production could "utilize existing sets and make it feasible to have a monster." Black also liked the general premise of a "drifting Enterprise-class space vessel...when it has a monster aboard," but he was unsure if Sheckley was the appropriate writer for the material. Black may have been worried by Sheckley's lack of television experience. Although the short story writer had seen a few of his stories adapted to television by this time, his only produced teleplay was an episode of Armchair Theatre broadcast in 1961.

Black closed his memo to Roddenberry with the phrase, "Let's talk." Although the content of that conversation is unknown, the result is not. On June 24, 1966, the production exercised story cut-off on 'Sister in Space.' Although Sheckley never had anything produced on Star Trek (a third, untitled attempt by Sheckley which may have been written even earlier was also rejected) he did end up writing a Star Trek: Deep Space Nine tie-in novel called 'The Laertian Gamble' in 1995, almost thirty years later.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

Sources:

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine #12 -- The Laertian Gamble (Robert Sheckley, 1995)

These Are The Voyages: TOS, Season One (Marc Cushman with Susan Osborn, 2013)

Unseen Trek: 'Sister in Space' by Robert Sheckley

Still from 'The Doomsday Machine' (1967)

Story Outline by Robert Sheckley, dated June 14, 1966

Review and Analysis by Dave Eversole

Originally Posted at Orion Press

TEASER

In deep space, the Enterprise faces an eerie sight -- a ship exactly like it. As the ship appears on the main view screen for a second, we think they're seeing a reflection. Soon it is discovered that this is the hulk of the S. S. Saratoga, the Enterprise's sister ship, sent out five years earlier to catalog and collect alien flora and fauna. The "Sarah" disappeared without a trace, and there is great joy onboard the Enterprise at her discovery. No one is more overjoyed than young Lieutenant Poole a "log-computer" specialist, whose father was the captain of the Saratoga.

ACT ONE

Kirk assembles a boarding party of himself and Sulu (both of whom trained on the Saratoga), Scotty and Mechanic's Mate Johnson, Lieutenant Poole and Janice Rand (to "take down" what they discover).

Kirk and Sulu go across first in spacesuits, since all Earth ships are radiation shielded. Using a power beam from the Enterprise, they open a hatch and enter. Once they determine it is safe, the rest of the boarding party comes aboard via transicator.

They soon discover that the Sarah's crew abandoned the ship in lifecrafts. Scotty finds that the ship's engines were not shut down properly -- the space warps are fused, and the vessel is in danger of exploding. Kirk decides to send everyone back to the Enterprise except himself and Scotty. They will attempt to fix the engines. Young Poole argues his right to stay and help since his dad is one of the missing. Poole has the makings of a good officer, but is too "by the book, too headstrong."

Kirk's order stands. But the hatch through which they entered suddenly closes, trapping them.

ACT TWO

The Sarah has no power to open the hatch, and Kirk orders Spock to take the Enterprise away from the Sarah and not attempt a rescue lest the engines blow up and destroy the Enterprise.

The search of the ship continues and the reason for the hasty abandonment becomes clear. In the lower holds, where specimens of alien animal life were kept, they find empty cages -- their doors ripped open like one would tear putty. It is apparent one single berserk creature tore the other cages open. But where are the animals? Surely the crew would not have taken them onboard the lifecrafts!

Mechanic's Mate Johnson is working alone, tracing damaged hydraulic lines. A sound! He turns. His face shows the terror he feels. It is the last thing he ever sees.

ACT THREE

Kirk is alerted by Johnson's dying screams, and they confront the creature. Phasers have no effect on it, and the Enterprise party fight a retreating action.

Kirk realizes they must trap the berserk creature, which killed the other creatures. They lure it to the single remaining large cage in the hold. But it begins to tear its way out and we see that it is a sort of chameleon, able to blend into any background, effectively making it invisible. Metal chips fly across the room and it breaks out of the cage.

ACT FOUR

Kirk has read Poole's log and realizes Poole wanted to trap the creature in a "Chryrolon" net in the Sarah's cargo hold -- a net so strong the monster could not escape from it. At this point they realize that Captain Poole did not escape with the rest of the crew on lifeboats -- he stayed and sacrificed his life in an attempt to stop the creature.

Scotty must nurse the engines, so Kirk decides to go into the cargo hold to act as bait. But he is injured. Sulu decides to go in, but Poole pulls rank on him, and offers himself as bait. As the creature enters, Poole stands his ground, ensnares the creature. All are saved.

The Enterprise heads toward the cluster of asteroids which Captain Poole's log indicated was the destination of the lifeboats.

Doctor McCoy orders Kirk to Sickbay. Kirk turns command over to Poole, the first time he has ever been in the command seat. It is an honor he has earned, Kirk says.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Not a bad "trapped in a spaceship by a monster" story. A reliable gimmick, to be sure. Used frequently by SF writers and filmmakers (most of us have seen It! The Terror From Beyond Space and Alien, I daresay). Sure, its as pulpy as an old issue of Thrilling Wonder Stories, but with a bit of tweaking (Sheckley seems unfamiliar with the transporter) it would have worked. Needed more character work -- a stronger connection between Kirk and Poole ('Obsession' played out this basic scenario quite effectively), and Spock plays almost no role whatsoever, but...

Call up Janos Prohaska, get him over in a monster suit, and off we go.

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Robert Sheckley (1928-2005) was known best for his humorous short stories, many of which (Seventh Victim, The Prize of Peril, The Watchbird, Skulking Permit, Something For Nothing) have been adapted many times for radio, television and film. His 1965 novel The Game of X was loosely adapted as the 1981 film Condorman. Immortality, Inc. was the basis of the 1992 film Freejack. Neil Gaiman said of Sheckley, "Probably the best short-story writer during the 50s to the mid-1960s working in any field." Harlan Ellison wrote, "If the Marx Brothers had been literary rather than thespic fantasists... they would have been Robert Sheckley." He sold several stories to Star Trek, but none made it past the outline stage. He did write one tie-in novel -- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: The Laertian Gamble.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

Review originally posted at Orion Press.