Unseen Trek: "The Alternative Factor" (FINAL DRAFT)

Still from "The Alternative Factor" (1967)

Written by Don Ingalls
FINAL DRAFT, November 11, 1966
(Includes later page revisions dated November 14-18, 1966)
Report and Analysis by David Eversole
Originally posted at Orion Press

Those seeking to learn more about the genesis of this much disparaged episode will find nothing in this final draft script. Except for a few cut passages of dialogue it is what aired, as confusing and ill-defined. The much-rumored romance between Lazarus and Lieutenant Charlene Masters occurred in an earlier draft (the review of which can be found here).

TEASER

The script calls for the character of Lieutenant Hansen to be at the Helmsman position; Mr. Leslie ultimately delivers his few lines of dialogue in the aired version.

In Ingalls' script, the teaser ends when Lazarus #2 falls from the Vasquez Rocks for the first of three record-holding times, and the Enterprise personnel rush to his aid. In the aired version, the teaser ended several minutes earlier when Kirk and Spock exit the bridge to beam down.

Ingalls describes Lazarus' ship as large and "conical-shaped," and suggests that the interior of it be a redress of the shuttlecraft Galileo set.

ACT ONE

The first two pages of Ingalls' first act are dropped. In the aired version, the act begins with Kirk entering the bridge and receiving a report from Lieutenant Masters.

Ingalls' opening of the act:

FADE IN:

EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE ORBITTING

As before.

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE
                                       Captain's log, Star Date 3087.6.
                                       Investigating an uncharted planet,
                                       and after encountering incredible
                                       magnetic effects which are beyond
                                       our understanding, we have encountered
                                       a badly injured human being...

INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM

McCoy and two MEDICS enter, carrying a stretcher and impelled by a sense of urgency.

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE
                                       He is unable to identify himself
                                       or give us any information. We are
                                       beaming back to the Enterprise,
                                       where medical personnel are standing
                                       by. Meanwhile, Mr. Spock remains
                                       below to continue his examination of
                                       the planet.

A technician is at the transporter console.

Beyond them, our materialization effect... as our entire party, with Kirk supporting the sagging Lazarus #2, materialize. McCoy hurries forward, and as soon as the materialization is completed, he and his medics take Lazarus and put him in the stretcher, McCoy immediately beginning to make readings with his medical recorder.

                                                        KIRK
                                       He's in bad shape, Bones.

                                                        McCOY
                                                  (reacting to Lazarus)
                                       You'll get no argument from me.
                                                  (to Medics)
                                       Easy...

The medics set Lazarus on the stretcher while:

                                                        McCOY
                                                  (continuing; who has
                                                  been examining Lazarus,
                                                  looks up)
                                       It's going to be touch and go.
                                       Heartbeat practically non-existent.
                                                  (to Medics)
                                       Let's get him to Sickbay.

Medics carry Lazarus to door, McCoy and Kirk close behind.

CUT TO:

INT. SICKBAY - ANGLE ON DIAGNOSTIC DEVICE

The indicators are low, barely moving. Pulse light is very weak. CAMERA PULLS BACK to show Kirk with Bones, as McCoy works over Lazarus #2, in one of our beds.

                                                        McCOY
                                       What happened down there, Jim?

                                                        KIRK
                                       I don't know. He was standing there
                                       . . . said something about needing our
                                       help. . . and he just crumpled.

                                                        McCOY
                                       No wonder. After the beating he's
                                       taken.

                                                        KIRK
                                       He was beaten?

                                                        McCOY
                                       I don't know what else could have
                                       caused it.

                                                        KIRK
                                       Bones, that is a dead, lifeless,
                                       arid planet down there. . . no sign
                                       of additional living beings. Who
                                       could have attacked him?

McCoy frowns, stares at the indicator.

                                                        McCOY
                                       He's the only one that can answer
                                       that. . . if he lives.

                                                        UHURA'S VOICE
                                                  (on speaker)
                                       Captain. Just received a standby
                                       notice from Star Fleet Command.
                                       Red Two message about to come in.

                                                        KIRK
                                       I'm on my way.
                                                  (to McCoy)
                                       Keep me posted, Bones.

McCoy grunts, returning to his work. Kirk exits.

The rest of the act is as aired.

After McCoy tells Kirk of the mysterious disappearing bandage on Lazarus' forehead, in the aired version we cut to Lazarus overhearing Lieutenant Masters discussing the dilithium crystals in the Recreation Room. Lazarus exits to the corridor and the dimensional shift hits him again, just before Kirk and McCoy confront him.

In the script, Lieutenant Masters is not present in the Rec Room. Instead, we have this long scene between Lazarus and a suspicious Spock:

INT. RECREATION ROOM - ANGLE ON SPOCK

He is standing, staring. CAMERA PULLS BACK, SWINGS to reveal Lazarus #2... with no bandage... sitting at a table, taking it all in, watching a few of the other crewmen relaxing. He seems to be quietly enjoying it. Spock moves over to him.

                                                        SPOCK
                                       May I sit down?

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       Yes, of course.

Silence for a moment, Lazarus #2 staring at Spock.

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                                  (continuing)
                                       Go ahead, Mr. Spock.

                                                        SPOCK
                                       Earlier I referred to you as
                                       a liar.

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       Do you still think I am?

                                                        SPOCK
                                       About some things, yes.

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       You're very direct. I admire
                                       that.
                                                  (smiles)
                                       If it will help make up your
                                       mind about me - ask your questions.

                                                        SPOCK
                                       I am curious about this
                                       civilization of yours. . . the one
                                       that was destroyed.

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       It was. . . much like that of
                                       Earth. Green, soft landscapes. . .
                                       blue seas. . . great cities. . .
                                       science. . . education. . .

                                                        SPOCK
                                       And the people?

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       Like any of us. Good, bad,
                                       beautiful, ugly, magnificent. . .
                                       terrible. Human. Satisfied?

                                                        SPOCK
                                       The story you have told us is
                                       most peculiar and unlikely as                                      
                                       is your attitude. You are
                                       hardly the same man I spoke
                                       to earlier.

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       Don't blame me if I'm not
                                       consistent, Mr. Spock, after
                                       all, not even the universe
                                       is that.

                                                        SPOCK
                                       I prefer to think it is.

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       Yes. Of course you would.

Uhura's voice comes in on the wall communicator.

                                                        UHURA
                                       Mr. Spock.

Spock quickly crosses, hits the button.

                                                        SPOCK
                                       Yes, Lieutenant.

                                                        UHURA'S VOICE
                                       You told me to notify you when
                                       the impulse readings reached the
                                       critical stage. They've done so.

                                                        SPOCK
                                       Thank you, Lieutenant.

                                                  (turning to Lazarus)
                                       If you will excuse me, I have an
                                       experiment in progress. It may
                                       help me evaluate the facts.

                                                        LAZARUS #2
                                       When you are certain of the facts,
                                       will you believe me then?

                                                        SPOCK
                                       I always believe in facts.
                                                  (beat. . . a close
                                                  stare)
                                       I must congratulate you, sir, on
                                       your remarkable recuperative
                                       powers. If time permitted, I
                                       would like to discuss them with
                                       you.
                                                  (leaving)
                                       Thank you for your company.

Spock leaves.

The SHIMMER EFFECT then hits Lazarus again, he exits to the corridor, the dimensional shift happens, and Kirk and McCoy confront him (Lazarus #1) as they did in the aired version.

The rest of Act Two and Acts Three and Four were shot as written with no appreciable changes beyond a few deleted or restructured lines.

At its heart, "The Alternative Factor" is a fascinating science fiction idea, but its execution totally dilutes what literacy there may have been in the script. Despite what many fans say, it is possible to keep the two Lazaruses (Lazarii?) separate—possible, but hardly easy. So much concentration is spent trying to remember if it is the positive or negative character who sports the 23rd century Band-Aid that one loses sight of the story.

And that is too bad.

DON INGALLS (1918-2014): Like Gene Roddenberry, he was an officer of the Los Angeles Police Department in the early 1950s before writing for television from 1957 to 1986. Over the course of his career he served as a writer, story editor, producer, and even director. Series he wrote for include Have Gun — Will Travel (also story editor, associate producer, and finally producer), Bonanza, The Virginian (also a producer of select episodes), The Big Valley, Adam-12, Fantasy Island (producer of seasons 4-7 and also a director of two episodes) and T. J. Hooker (also a producer). For Star Trek he wrote "The Alternative Factor" and the story for "A Private Little War" (teleplay by Gene Roddenberry). Ingalls retired to Washington state in 1987, where he completed one novel (The Watchers on the Mountain was published in 2005). He died in 2014 after a long illness. His scripts and production files are publicly accessible at Pepperdine University.

Editor's Note: Although Don Ingalls is the only credited writer of this draft, this is in fact a staff re-write of the episode. There is no indication in the UCLA files who on the staff did this re-write; it could have been Gene Coon, Gene Roddenberry, or Steven Carabatsos. Additionally, although this draft only contains the November 11, 1966 date on its cover, page revisions dated November 14, 15, 16, and 18, 1966 found in the Gene Roddenberry Star Trek Television Series Collection at UCLA confirm that this draft includes many pages revised after the November 11, 1966 date.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

This article was originally published by Orion Press and is reprinted by permission of publisher Randall Landers. All rights revert to the original authors.

Unseen Trek: "The Alternative Factor" (SECOND DRAFT)

Still from "The Alternative Factor" (1967)

Written by Don Ingalls
SECOND DRAFT, November 7, 1966
Report and Analysis by David Eversole
Originally posted at Orion Press

This draft contains the Lazarus/Charlene Masters romance subplot. The one that was ordered dropped by nervous executives. Or was it from on high? Someone had it cut, but at this late date no one is sure who it was.

Perhaps it really was cut because a Black actress was hired to play Charlene.

Perhaps it was cut because it plays very very similar to the Khan/McGivers subplot in "Space Seed."

Perhaps it was cut because it is simply bad and embarrassing, with an adult professional woman swooning instantly over the manly Lazarus, and acting like a lovestruck schoolgirl in a seventeenth-rate romance novel.

Though Ingalls never overtly states Charlene's race in the draft, a passage describes her face as a "white cameo" beneath her hair. Most of the scripts from the 1960s which I own make a point of race only when it is to indicate that someone other than a Caucasian is desired for a major role. In the script for "Court Martial," for example, Commodore Stone is specifically described as a "Negro." 

That said, I'll transcribe a couple of the breathless passages and let you decide if the romance would have strengthened this much-in-need-of-something-God-knows-what-though script. 

The script is little different from what aired except for the Charlene stuff. She is described as a chemoscientist, and is romantically pursued by Spock's protégé, Lieutenant Larry Riddle. Riddle is described as the Enterprise's "UNDER-RESEARCH OFFICER," which mostly involves expository dialogue that would be delegated to Spock in the final, aired episode.

When Lazarus makes his first remarkable recovery, he astounds McCoy by jumping out of bed and heading for the ship's gym. There he engages in almost violent physical exercise, impressing onlookers, including Charlene. Riddle is not so impressed, tells Charlene she shouldn't be either.

Charlene's first major scene is in Act Two.

INT. RECREATION ROOM – CLOSE ON COFFEE POURING INTO CUP

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL Sulu holding the cup, turning and carrying it into the room looking for company. In b. g. various N. D. personnel come and go. Sulu spots Charlene Masters at a table alone and crosses to her.

                                                        SULU
                                       Lonesome?

                                                        CHARLENE
                                       Not now.

He sits opposite her, studies her with mock seriousness.

                                                        SULU
                                       Something I've always wondered...
                                       what's a pretty girl like you
                                       doing in a place like this anyway?

She laughs, a small musical sound:

                                                        CHARLENE
                                       Waiting for someone like...
                                                  (the smile fades as
                                                  her eyes go past him,
                                                  hold on someone o. s.)
                                       ...you...

Sulu beams.

                                                        SULU
                                       And here all this time I thought
                                       it was Larry Riddle. . .

Sulu reacts to her sudden shift of attention, breaks off, turns:

ANGLE TOWARD DOORWAY

Lazarus has just entered and stands uncertainly looking about the room. His eye finds Charlene, and he starts toward her.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Sulu glances at Charlene.

FAVORING CHARLENE

Her eyes have never left Lazarus and there is that almost imperceptible something in her manner that comes alive when a woman sees the man approach her. ANGLE WIDENS as Lazarus reaches their table. He looks at Charlene and for the first time he smiles. A small, gentle little smile, softening the hawk-like features. . .

Sulu introduces them, and is soon shown the door. Lazarus describes his world to her, and she listens, enraptured.

Later, in engineering, Larry Riddle brings Charlene a rose, invites her to have coffee. She declines, but thanks him for the rose. Disappointed, he leaves.

Later the "good" Lazarus meets Charlene in Engineering and, behind her back, steals two Lithium crystals.

In Act Three, Charlene visits Lazarus in Sickbay (for God's sake, don't ask me which Lazarus...just one of them, okay, the bad one, I think).

From the script:

She stares at him, a strange look in her eyes. He stares at her. Then. . . softly:

                                                        LAZARUS
                                       Come here. . . Charlene. . .

Slowly she moves toward him, stands before him. He reaches out, takes one of her hands.

                                                        LAZARUS
                                       I have moved through eternity to find you.
                                       You know that, don't you?
                                       When we first saw each other...
                                       you must have felt it.

                                                        CHARLENE
                                       I...I...you were like a wounded eagle...

                                                        LAZARUS
                                       An eagle looks a long time for his mate...
                                       and once he finds her, he never leaves her.
                                       I have looked a long time...

Now he starts to pull her close. She draws back for a moment, but his force, though gentle, is relentless.

                                                        LAZARUS
                                                  (continuing)
                                       You have no idea what it's like...
                                       eternity unrolling before you...
                                       and to be alone, through all time...
                                       and then I saw you...

Hungrily, he sweeps her into his arms, kisses her hard, violently. For a moment she resists...and then she melts. Finally, he lets her go.

                                                        LAZARUS
                                                  (continuing)
                                       I knew it the moment I saw you.
                                       You belong to me. It is as inevitable
                                       as my struggle. You understand me?

                                                        CHARLENE
                                       Yes... yes...

                                                        LAZARUS
                                       Charlene... I can't be alone any more.
                                       When the Enterprise leaves here, I will stay.
                                       I want you to stay with me.

Lazarus then tells her since they have finally found each other, he needs a really big favor. Charlene waits to be told what her new darling wishes.

We soon find out. Charlene returns to her station, starts a fire to distract her fellow crewmen, steals two crystals, and beams down with Lazarus.

Kirk follows, and the script plays out very much as in the aired version, except Charlene stands around helplessly in the background as Kirk and Lazarus fight. Once Kirk is pushed through to the parallel dimension where the papier-mâché boulders are, Charlene begins to doubt her new love, but not enough to do anything about it.

When Kirk comes back and fights raving loonie Lazarus, and pushes him through, Charlene again stands helplessly in the background.

In the end, Kirk announces that she will have to face a court-martial for her actions. But she wants to talk to Larry Riddle. We leave them as Riddle approaches her, probably so desperate for even the time of day from a "real live girl" the poor bastard will take her back.

Maybe "The Return of The Archons" really is better than this script...

DON INGALLS (1918-2014): Like Gene Roddenberry, he was an officer of the Los Angeles Police Department in the early 1950s before writing for television from 1957 to 1986. Over the course of his career he served as a writer, story editor, producer, and even director. Series he wrote for include Have Gun — Will Travel (also story editor, associate producer, and finally producer), Bonanza, The Virginian (also a producer of select episodes), The Big Valley, Adam-12, Fantasy Island (producer of seasons 4-7 and also a director of two episodes) and T. J. Hooker (also a producer). For Star Trek he wrote "The Alternative Factor" and the story for "A Private Little War" (teleplay by Gene Roddenberry). Ingalls retired to Washington state in 1987, where he completed one novel (The Watchers on the Mountain was published in 2005). He died in 2014 after a long illness. His scripts and production files are publicly accessible at Pepperdine University.

Editor's Note: When this review was originally published, it misidentified this draft as Ingall's "first draft" of "The Alternative Factor" (the copy in David Eversole's possession was missing the title page with the draft date on it). After reviewing the script material on file at both UCLA and Pepperdine University, I can now confirm that this is in fact Don Ingall's second draft, dated November 7, 1966, and delivered to the producers of Star Trek on that date.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

This article was originally published by Orion Press and is reprinted by permission of publisher Randall Landers. All rights revert to the original authors.

Unseen Trek: "Mudd's Women" (FINAL DRAFT)

Still from "Mudd's Women" (1966)

Teleplay by Stephen Kandel
Story by Gene Roddenberry
FINAL DRAFT, dated May 26, 1966

Report and Analysis by David Eversole
Originally posted at Orion Press

This is one of the longest scripts at 73 pages, but is relatively the same as aired, just pruned of much excessive dialogue and some fairly lame attempts at banter between Kirk and Spock:

Kirk looks at Spock... too damned efficient sometimes, that Spock.

                                                        KIRK
                                                  (quietly)
                                       Mister Spock?

                                                        SPOCK
                                       Sir?

                                                        KIRK
                                                  (private aside)
                                       I've been on Vulcan, Mister Spock.
                                       Tell me...why do they bother to
                                       put erasers on pencils?

                                                        SPOCK
                                       A courtesy to Earth visitors, sir.

This was a candidate for the second pilot, so the draft probably still retains much of what was written a year earlier. 

We do learn that Harry Mudd is 47 years of age, and was born on Antares Pi Four. The nice little "They'll throw away the key!" bit is not in this script. 

Spock pointed a handheld device at Mudd which was tied into the computer, and it determined his identity from that "scan." 

At one point there must have been a fourth woman, as one scene leaves in a mention of one named "Trina" (in addition to the other three). 

Sulu calls Farrell "James-O," instead of "Johnny-O." 

Act III is much longer, and structured differently than the aired episode. Childress and Gossett come aboard, then we cut to the women and Mudd looking for the Venus Drug, then we cut to the surface of Rigel 12, and Kirk, Mudd, Spock and the women beam directly into the miners' headquarters, and Childress has the "welcome, ladies," line, then the act ends. 

In the aired version, the women meet Childress and Gossett on the Enterprise, and the frantic hunt for the drug comes at a different time.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

This article was originally published by Orion Press and is reprinted by permission of publisher Randall Landers. All rights revert to the original authors.

Unseen Trek: "The Corbomite Manuever" (FINAL DRAFT)

Still from "The Corbomite Maneuver" (1966)

Written by Jerry Sohl

FINAL DRAFT, dated May 3, 1966

Report and Analysis by David Eversole
Originally posted at Orion Press

If any of you are interested in seeing how a competent, workmanlike, but somewhat bland teleplay that is just another "first contact" story, no better than the thousand first contact stories that came before it, becomes an excellent episode filled with nice touches and character moments, then buy a copy of this script and compare it to the show. 

This teleplay is full of "babbling." Everything is discussed, everything is stated in very obvious terms, there is no room for the actors to actually act. Here's a sample of an unshot scene in the script:

INT. KIRK'S QUARTERS - YEOMAN RAND

Taking one of Kirk's uniforms off its hanger is JANICE, the Captain's yeoman. The sound of the o. s. door opening causes her to turn toward it.

KIRK

coming in, unwinding the towel from about his neck, tossing it on the bed as he joins Janice, CAMERA GOING WITH him.

                                                        KIRK 

                                       Turn on the screen... Get the bridge.

                                                        JANICE 

                                       It is on, Captain.

                                                        KIRK

                                       Excused.

Janice EXITS.

ANGLE TO CONTROL PANEL

Kirk moves INTO FRAME, flicks a switch on the panel to talk to Spock, who is seen on the screen, though his back is to us.

                                                        KIRK

                                       Mister Spock.

Spock turns, sees Kirk in his own monitor viewer.

INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - CLOSE ON SPOCK 

as Spock talks to Kirk in the o. s. viewer.

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE 

                                                  (filtered) 

                                       Any change?

                                                        SPOCK 

                                       Negative, Captain. The cube is

                                       right where it was. 

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE 

                                                  (filtered) 

                                       Is it monitoring us? 

                                                        SPOCK 

                                       It has an elementary sensor

                                       beam, pulsating type. Emanates

                                       from the cube edges. 

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE 

                                                  (filtered) 

                                       Any sign of life?

At this stage there was no Uhura. Dave Bailey is the Communications Officer, Lieutenant Ken Easton the Navigator. Their dialogue was combined and given mostly to the Dave Bailey we see in the episode. Uhura got a line or two of it, but nothing of importance. 

There are so many small moments that are not present in the script. No flypaper, no adrenaline gland, no coffee zapped by a phaser, no green leaves, no curiosity by Spock to gain Balok's image (Balok initiates visual communications with the Enterprise in the script), no comparison of Balok to Spock's father, no pity from Scotty for Spock's mother, no chess and poker analogies (Kirk just suddenly decides to bluff, no setup, nothing). 

Most significantly, there is no subplot with Bailey flipping out. In the script, Bailey shouts something like, "What does he expect us to do?" Kirk gives him a stern look and says, "He expects us to lose our heads. We're not going to do that are we, Mr. Bailey?" Bailey bucks up, says "No, sir," and that is that. 

To Sohl's credit, he did write the famous "I never say that" bits for McCoy. 

Someone pruned and reshaped the dialogue masterfully for the aired episode. 

Now, about the babbling. The final seventeen pages of Sohl's script play out in about six or seven minutes. When Kirk decides to answer the distress call Balok sends out, Sohl writes pages and pages of everybody, even Spock, vehemently disagreeing with him, questioning his decision. It is bad. In the episode, Kirk gets a couple of surprised looks, and the characters professionally do as told, and we know they disagree somewhat with him, but we don't need to be lectured on how and why. A raised eyebrow, a slight pause from the actors tells us all we need to know. 

The final scene on Balok's ship is pretty much as written, except Bailey does not accompany Kirk and McCoy over, so there's no leaving behind of a Federation representative to get to know Balok and the First Federation. 

Balok mentions the name of the planet where he intends to intern the Enterprise crew. It is called Carpi.

JERRY SOHL (Gerald Allen Sohl, Sr., 1913-2002): American Science Fiction writer, best known for his novels The Haploids and Costigan's Needle. For television, he first ghost-wrote episodes of The Twilight Zone for Charles Beaumont (when the latter was suffering from Alzheimer's), nine episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, then later wrote for The Outer Limits and The Invaders. For Star Trek he wrote "The Corbomite Maneuver," provided the story for "This Side of Paradise" (under his pseudonym Nathan Butler), and co-wrote the story for "Whom Gods Destroy." Sohl also served on The Committee of science fiction writers hired by Desilu to evaluate the original pilot of Star Trek and make improvements.

Editor's Note: The "someone" who pruned and reshaped Jerry Sohl's dialogue into the shooting script was Gene Roddenberry, according to Herb Solow and Bob Justman's Inside Star Trek: The Real Story (1996).

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

This article was originally published by Orion Press and is reprinted by permission of publisher Randall Landers. All rights revert to the original authors.

Unseen Trek: "Where No Man Has Gone Before" (FINAL REVISED DRAFT)

Still from "Where No Man Has Gone Before" (1965)

Written by Samuel A. Peeples
FINAL REVISED DRAFT, dated July 9, 1965
(with further revised pages inserted, dated July 14 & 15, 1965)

Report and Analysis by David Eversole

Originally posted at Orion Press

This one matches the aired pilot pretty closely with one major and a few small exceptions.

The major one — a page and a half opening teaser (which I understand is on the alternate version of the episode which was prepared for the execs).

The Teaser (for the record, Peeples (or the studio typist) misspells a couple words, but I've typed them as was):

FADE IN:

PHOTO PLATE - TIGHT ON EARTH'S GALAXY

CAMERA PULLING BACK to establish the saucer-shape, the vast cloud of suns and planets.

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE

                                       This is our galaxy -- a gigantic cloud of 

                                       suns and planets, in which our Earth is

                                       but a pinpoint, one speck of dust. The

                                       galaxy is so vast that even traveling at

                                       millions of miles per hour it would still

                                       take millions of years to cross through it.

Then CAMERA PANNING along the photo plate away from Earth's galaxy to reveal the gulf of empty, black space dotted only by a few milky spots of phospherescence which mark other galaxies millions of light years away.

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE

                                       And yet, as incredible as it seems, it is

                                       itself only one of untold billions of other

                                       galaxies, each separated by voids of

                                       emptiness so vast that time, matter

                                       and energy may not even mean the

                                       same out there.

EXT. SPACE - U. S. S. ENTERPRISE (STOCK)

Our starship APPROACHING CAMERA through fairly dense star background, at first only a pinpoint in the distance, then flashing into view and PAST CAMERA.

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE

                                       The U. S. S. Enterprise. Until now its

                                       task of space law regulation, contact

                                       with Earth's colonies, and investigation

                                       of alien life, had always kept the vessel

                                       within galaxy limits.

EXT. OUTERSTELLAR SPACE - U. S. S. ENTERPRISE

moving AWAY FROM CAMERA, but now using only a single PLATE of star motion -- our combination of this and the preceding scene giving the impression of the U. S. S. Enterprise moving out of the galaxy and through thinning stars toward that black void of emptiness beyond.

                                                        KIRK'S VOICE

                                       But on star date 1312.4, its massive

                                       space-warp engines brought it to the

                                       edge of that black void. 

                                                  (pause) 

                                       My name is James Kirk...

                                       commanding the Enterprise. Our

                                       mission -- a probe out into where

                                       no man had gone before.

As the U. S. S. Enterprise moves away and out of sight, TITLE ZOOMS INTO FULL FRAME:

"STAR TREK"

OUTERSTELLAR SPACE STOCK (to be selected).

OPENING CREDITS

FADE OUT.

Mitchell is shown walking along a corridor, nodding to passing crewmen, passes Yeoman Smith, gives her a "special male approving look." Then he dashes for the elevator with Kirk and Spock.

No mention of who the first officer is.

Kirk's gravestone is described as a simple white cross like those that adorn the graves in national cemeteries. His initial is "R" as in the aired episode.

After Spock tells Kirk that he too felt for Mitchell, he continues with: "I hated every minute of being logical about it."

SAMUEL A. PEEPLES (1917-1997): Best known as the writer of Star Trek's second pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone Before," but some people forget that he also contributed an episode ("Beyond The Farthest Star") for the animated Star Trek series, and wrote an unused script for the second Star Trek movie (Worlds That Never Were) which discarded the character of Khan and, instead, involved two travelers from an alternate dimension facing off against Kirk and company. Peeples has an impressive array of credits on other television series as writer, series creator and producer. They include: Wanted: Dead or Alive, Bonanza, Burke's Law, The Legend of Jesse James (which he created), A Man Called Shenandoah, and The New Animated Adventures of Flash Gordon.

Editor's Note: A different version of Kirk's narration excerpted above can be found in the workprint release of the second pilot, available on the season three Blu-Ray release, and in these segments on YouTube.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

This article was originally published by Orion Press and is reprinted by permission of publisher Randall Landers. All rights revert to the original authors.

Unseen Trek: "Where No Man Has Gone Before" (FIRST DRAFT)

Still from workprint version of "Where No Man Has Gone Before" (1965)

Written by Samuel A. Peeples
FIRST DRAFT, dated May 27, 1965

Report and Analysis by David Eversole

Originally posted at Orion Press

Peeples' first draft, amazingly, was changed relatively little — it is about 85% what was finally filmed. Some names are different — here we have Lieutenant Clark Mitchell, Lieutenant Leroy Kelso and Ship's Doctor Johnson (Johnson is only referenced by his last name once, the senior staff are simply tagged as Ship's Doctor, Ship's Engineer, Ship's Physicist, etc.).

Some differences between this script and what aired:

• The action opens with the Kirk log detailed in my review of the shooting script, then cuts directly to the bridge; no introductory chess game between Kirk and Spock, no first meeting with Mitchell in the elevator.
• There is no mention of stardates. One of Kirk's logs opens with, "Captain's Log, Report 197."
• It is stated in the narrative that Spock is senior to Mitchell. Spock is described as red-hued, much as in Roddenberry's first series outline. Perhaps Peeples never saw "The Cage."
• The Valiant was lost 132 years ago. The Valiant's recorder is brought into an engineering airlock by the tractor beam, not beamed directly onboard via the transporter.
• Mitchell is even more flirtatious than in the aired version--he even refers to Yeoman Smith as "kitten." Spock is the one who knew and worked with Mitchell for years. Although friends, Mitchell and Kirk are not as close as in the aired version, and there is no talk of any shared history.
• When the Enterprise passes through the barrier at the edge of the galaxy, everyone is enveloped in a greenish glow and bolts of green "electricity" shoot from their hands and feet.
• A mass funeral is held in the Ship's Chapel (described as containing symbols such as the Christian Cross and the Jewish Star of David, as well as several unknown alien religious icons) and the bodies of the dead are consigned to space.
• Much of the action then transpires as aired, though in this draft Kirk does not divert to Delta Vega with the intent of stranding Mitchell. Kelso and three others are strangled onboard the Enterprise, then Clark Mitchell, using his mental powers, diverts the ship to an unnamed planet which he beams down to with Elizabeth Dehner.
• Kirk regains control of the ship, and, armed with a laser rifle, beams down after them. He makes his way across the mountainous terrain toward Mitchell and Dehner, suddenly finds that the blue sand he is crossing is quicksand. He sinks fast, but pulls a small gun, armed with a steel barb, from his belt, fires it toward a rock wall. A thin nylon-like rope shoots out and the barb embeds itself in the wall. Kirk drags himself free of the quicksand.
• Using his power, Mitchell blocks Kirk's path with a wall of blue flames. Kirk, using his barb/rope weapon, swings over the flames, lands safely on the other side. Mitchell then attempts to stop him with a gale-force wind, but Kirk continues on doggedly, eventually confronts the two. Things play out as in the aired version, but in the final fight, there is no grave or tombstone. Weakened by Dehner's dying blast of energy, Mitchell is at the edge of a cliff, below him is a thousand-foot drop. He and Kirk fight, and Mitchell, weakened, is forced over the edge. Kirk extends a hand to him, Mitchell grabs hold, but he is too weak, lets go and plummets to his death.
• Onboard the Enterprise, Spock agrees with Kirk that Mitchell and Dehner should be listed as casualties since they did not ask for what befell them. Kirk and Spock smile at each other, and for the first time there seems to be the beginning of a friendship between the two.

SAMUEL A. PEEPLES (1917-1997): Best known as the writer of Star Trek's second pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone Before," but some people forget that he also contributed an episode ("Beyond The Farthest Star") for the animated Star Trek series, and wrote an unused script for the second Star Trek movie (Worlds That Never Were) which discarded the character of Khan and, instead, involved two travelers from an alternate dimension facing off against Kirk and company. Peeples has an impressive array of credits on other television series as writer, series creator and producer. They include: Wanted: Dead or Alive, Bonanza, Burke's Law, The Legend of Jesse James (which he created), A Man Called Shenandoah, and The New Animated Adventures of Flash Gordon.

Editor's Note: Although this draft does have Kirk say, "Ship's log, Report 197" in it (on page 67) it also used the stardate system. For example, at the beginning of the script (on page 2), Kirk says, "On stardate 1312.6." Read more about the origins of stardates in this previous post.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

This article was originally published by Orion Press and is reprinted by permission of publisher Randall Landers. All rights revert to the original authors.

Unseen Trek: "The Cage" (REVISED DRAFT)

Still from "The Menagerie" aka "The Cage" (1964)

Written by Gene Roddenberry
REVISED DRAFT, dated November 20, 1964

Report and Analysis by David Eversole
Originally posted at Orion Press

This 74-page script is very narrative heavy — everything is described and explained. Again, very understandable, it was setting the scene, describing the Star Trek universe for the first time.

It is noted that Spock's limp and the bandages on the various crewmembers are a result of the recent battle on Rigel VII, thus laying to rest all the speculation that Leonard Nimoy was limping because of a real life accident. In this draft, the captain was briefly renamed James Winter, before reverting to Christopher Pike in the episode as filmed.

The Orion Slave Woman scene as scripted:

                                                        VINA

                                                  (continuing)

                                       ... he must wonder what it would be

                                       like to forget all that.

EXT. ORION COURTYARD - NIGHT - MATCHING WINTER

The transition catching him still seated. He's startled by the SOUND of strange music and wild merriment. He is now on a pillowed floor at a long low table piled high with exotic foods. His attire is rich silk robes, almost like those of an Oriental potentate. And he becomes aware he is being anxiously attended, even fawned upon, by two who have something of the "slave" in their garb and manner. Their skin has a color like Mr. Spock.

                                                        SPACE OFFICER'S VOICE

                                       You used to be Captain of the Enterprise,

                                       didn't you?

CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal the speaker is a uniformed space officer (not from the Enterprise) seated at the table. The other man is an Earth trader dressed similar to Winter but less luxuriously. Each of these men is being served by a slave woman. Around all this, a scene of barbaric splendor with an almost Oriental flavor. The MUSIC comes from a quartet seated near a fountain pool, playing unusual instruments. Here and there in the courtyard are richly exotic plants with unusual shapes.

                                                        EARTH TRADER

                                       Matter of fact he was. Used to stop

                                       here now and then...

                                                  (smiles at Winter)

                                       ...and then send Earth 

                                       a blistering report...

                                                  (pretended report)

                                       "The Orion traders are taking shocking

                                       advantage of the natives..."

Good-natured laughter interrupting this.

                                                        SPACE OFFICER

                                                  (to Winter)

                                       Do any of you have a green one? They're

                                       dangerous, I hear. Razor claws, and

                                       they attract a man like a sensation of

                                       irresistible hunger...

Winter is perceptibly startled by the familiar term: "Irresistible hunger". And why had Space Officer emphasized the words, and why is he giving Winter that searching look? The Earth Trader is also giving Winter a knowing look. He indicates Winter to the Space Officer.

                                                        EARTH TRADER

                                       Now and then comes a man who

                                       tames one.

                                                  (to Space Officer)

                                       He'd stumbled into this dark corridor,

                                       and then he saw flickering light ahead.

                                                  (to Winter)

                                       Almost like secret dreams a bored

                                       ship captain might have, wasn't it?

                                       There she was, holding a torch,

                                       glistening green...

Aware now the Talosians are definitely baiting him thru the images of these two men, Winter angrily rises. But his female servant is in his path. And in b.g., the male servant has moved to sound a NOTE on a hanging cymbal.

                                                        WINTER

                                       Get out of my way, blast you!

The MUSIC changes now -- louder, a slow throbbing rhythm. Winter's attention is attracted by an exclamation of astonishment from the seated space officer. He turns to see:

ANGLE - VINA

Wild! Green skin, glistening as if oiled. Her fingertips are long gleaming razor-edged scimitars, her hair not unattractive but suggesting a wild animal mane. She is moving out to the open rectangle in front of the table, eyes wild. We feel she's larger than before, immensely strong. The female slaves have hurried off, frightened. But one is slower and Vina suddenly pivots with a CAT SOUND, bars a frightened female slave's escape. Winter's male servant has grabbed a whip, leaps out to intercede and Vina turns, snarling at him. The man slave swings back to lash at her.

                                                        WINTER

                                       No!

Vina turns at the voice, eyes WINTER for a long moment.

CLOSE SHOT - WINTER

returning the look, fascinated.

ANGLE - VINA

Now, her gaze riveted on WINTER, she moves to the center of the rectangle, lets the slow-powerful beat of the MUSIC reach her, the slow surging beat forcing movement out of her as a reed flute takes possession of a cobra. She SHRIEKS (dubbed wild animal cry) and the rhythm moves faster, her movements following the barbaric MUSIC.

CLOSE SHOT - WINTER

unable to tear his eyes from her.

ANGLE - VINA 

Now dancing wildly, animal beautiful.

EMPHASIZING WINTER

as the Earth Trader looks up toward Winter, again meaningfully:

                                                        EARTH TRADER

                                       Wouldn't you say that's worth a

                                       man's soul?

Space Officer turns to eye Winter similarly.

                                                        SPACE OFFICER

                                       It makes you believe she could be

                                       anything. Suppose, you had all of

                                       space to choose from, and this was

                                       only one small sample of...

Winter tears himself from these words, turns and brushes past his retainers, hurrying into the exit door behind.

The rest is exactly as was shot.

Image courtesy of Trek Core.

This article was originally published by Orion Press and is reprinted by permission of publisher Randall Landers. All rights revert to the original authors.